


'Cause Chances Come from Change

by Rolly_chan



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, LLF Comment Project, M/M, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Romance, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, glad that's a tag lol, well a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 19:05:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12087432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rolly_chan/pseuds/Rolly_chan
Summary: Makoto's been in love with Haru forever, though he knows he's not and never will be Haru's soulmate.Then Rin suddenly comes back and like the last time, he brings chaos and confusion into their lives.And also change.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god, I'm finally done with this. Real life has not been nice to me and I frankly hate it (real life, I mean. Can't I, Idk, crawl into the internet and live here?) and I'm a little late to the party, but! Here it finally is, my entry for the harlequin challenge over at dreamwidth/livejournal.  
> I'm not all that happy with it because I didn't have the chance to edit it yet, and there's bound to be mistakes in there. So if you spot some, please tell me.  
> And finally, have fun reading! (I hope)  
> [First ~5k words will be posted now, which is the minimum requirement, because I can't be bothered with the formatting right now, omg, it's killing me]

Makoto has always loved Haru. He didn’t know he’s been _in_ love with Haru for quite that long, but the ground, the basis - the pure, unconditional love - has been there for as long as he can remember. In fact, Makoto doesn’t remember a time he hasn’t known Haru. They have been put together by their parents as toddlers already, and have spent so much time at each others’ houses that it almost feels like they’ve actually been living together.

Makoto has loved Haru before he knew what love was, and before he found out about the soulmarks. When he was little, things like that were trivial in his world. In some ways, he wishes the real world could be as simple as that of a child.

He was about eight when he first really noted the girls talking about soulmarks. Curious as he was, he asked, even though Haru practically implored him with his eyes not to get involved. All of them, even Aki, a girl who’s always been nice to Haru and him and who to Makoto appeared to be wise beyond her years, giggled.

“It’s marks you get after you’re an adult! They spell the name of your true love,” one of the girls explained to him, eyes wide open in seriousness.

“ _My_ mommy says it means you have a special bond with the person,” another girl intervened.

“It’s the same!”

“It’s not!”

“What if the other person has a different person as their mark?” Makoto asked, more in an attempt to prevent the beginning fight than anything else. He hadn’t even really understood what it meant to have a special bond, but he had always been the type to get along with everyone, and to try to keep tensions low.

“That’s impossible!” both girls replied at the same time, and Makoto was stunned by their insistence. It had to mean that they were right.

At that time, he didn’t know that it would haunt him years later.

He also remembers Aki, who later caught him in the door frame of the classroom. “I believe a soulmate can be a friend,” she said with her usual calm, knowing smile and gentle eyes.

“Really?”

“My mom tells me not to tell anybody, but I know you can keep secrets…” she leaned in conspiratorially, “My mom and dad aren’t soulmates, but they keep it hidden so people don’t annoy them.”

“Do parents have to be soulmates?” Makoto couldn’t remember his parents ever mentioning that and genuinely wondered.

“Mom says all people think so. But I’m sure it’s not true. I’m sure my soulmate is Miki, my best friend! We’re gonna be best friends forever!”

Makoto smiled at her, happy for his friend to have found such an important person.

“Isn’t it the same for you with Haru-chan?”

For a moment, Makoto didn’t know what to say. Was it? He knew he loved Haru very much - they have always been together, after all. But were they soulmates?

“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging. How could he possibly know that if he didn’t even really understand what a special bond was?

“Do you think you will always be together?”

“Yeah!” His answer was immediate. This was a question he definitely knew how to answer.

Aki smiled. “Then I’m sure you have a special bond.”

At that moment, Makoto believed her. And he believed for a long time. He believed so much, in fact, that it tangled with his core beliefs and became a part of him, a part of his future, because it was _so sure_.

Until Rin stormed into their lives and dragged back up all the ignored and disregarded issues and problems they had. When it was thanks to Rin that Haru opened up and became a better person, Makoto realized that he had been wrong all along. Because even if he thought Haru must be his soulmate, Makoto definitely, absolutely wasn’t Haru’s. And if he wasn’t Haru’s soulmate, then Haru also wasn’t his. _Impossible._

 

* * *

 

Makoto is glad he got that wake-up call as early as he did. He is glad he didn’t make a fool of himself by acting on his erroneous assumptions. Now, at least, he could be friends with Haru without Haru ever finding out about the depth of his feelings.

Because if there is anything he has learned, it’s that one-sided love among friends ruins friendships. He still remembers, in tenth grade, Miki coming out of the girl’s restroom with puffy, red eyes and snot under her nose. He remembers how she and Aki suddenly never talked to each other anymore, how they were never seen together anymore, moving into different circles of friends. How Aki told him she felt terrible having to reject Miki, and how she thought it was best to keep a distance for a while, just for both of them to get over it.

That distance never closed.

Makoto knows that that’s how it usually goes, has seen it happen a couple more times, has seen it happen on TV all too often, and isn’t that a reflection of life? And so he had decided then, when Rin turned his life upside down and inside out, that he would never let Haru find out. He also decides never to get his soulmark, because if he knows anything to be true, then it is that he doesn’t want anyone but Haru. And if he can’t be with Haru as soulmates, then he’ll take any relationship with him that Haru will offer. As long as they will still be in each others’ lives, Makoto is fine with it, he decides.

 

* * *

 

And now, Makoto stands in the doorway to Haru and his living room in a nice three-room flat in Tokyo, two mugs in hand, and freezes at the sight of Haru sprawled on the couch with a magazine in hand.

Only now does it catch up to Makoto that they are really living together. Despite Rin, despite Haru becoming a professional swimmer. He still chose to room with Makoto. And Makoto feels his resolve to close up and bury his feelings wane. The domesticity, the way Haru not-quite smiles at him sometimes, it’s all suddenly so overwhelming that Makoto doesn’t know how to reign in the sudden rush of giddiness bubbling under his skin.

He probably hesitates for a moment too long, because Haru looks up at him from over the backrest of the dark couch, raising a brow.

“Sorry, I thought I remembered something,” Makoto lies. Lying about this comes easy to him now.

He makes his way over to the couch and puts the mugs on the coffee table in front of it. Haru automatically pulls his feet away to make room for Makoto, but lets them fall gently onto Makoto’s lap once he’s seated.

Makoto tries to ignore that insistent voice inside his head that urges him to confess everything, but it’s so loud, he can’t focus. So he picks up the book he’s currently reading from the coffee table and opens it to the page with the bookmark. After reading the same line for the fourth time half a page later, however, he gives up and takes a sip of his green tea. It’s still hot, but has cooled enough not to burn, and it reminds him of the relaxed, calm evenings back home, when Ran and Ren were already asleep. How he and Haru sometimes just sat at the table in the living room with their mugs of green tea, doing nothing. They hadn’t felt like talking was necessary, and they still often feel that way - and there it is again, that bubbling under his skin. He itches to get rid of it, but that is only possible if he voices what he has silenced for years. He isn’t sure he even knows how to do that anymore.

When he looks up at Haru, Haru is already looking back at him, and it should be embarrassing because Makoto isn’t saying anything, isn’t planning on saying anything, and he knows it’s not normal to just stare at your best friend, but Haru seems to be doing the same thing, and Makoto feels at ease doing it, brushing it off as something they just do sometimes.

Until Haru raises his brow again. “What’s with you tonight?”

Haru actually voicing his concerns is unusual, and Makoto knows that Haru noticed something is up with him. Haru has always been perceptive, the type to observe and make conclusions all by himself. Makoto’s been lucky Haru’s never picked up on Makoto’s feelings before. He can’t help but let his eyes flicker to Haru’s blank wrist.

“Do you ever want to get your soulmark?”

As soon as he’s asked the question, his stomach flips and he feels that unique sensation of horror freezing his heart, and Haru doesn’t make it at all easier by looking at him with a thoughtful expression on his face.

“No, I don’t need it. You’re over-thinking things again.”

Makoto reigns in a sigh of relief, but still lets slip a smile. Just to reassure Haru everything’s okay, he tells himself. Then Haru’s wording sinks in, and Makoto can’t help but mull it over, even though he knows Haru is still watching him.

Haru said he doesn’t need it. But no need for something doesn’t mean he doesn’t want something like it. It could also mean that he’s already found it. And just like that, Makoto’s heart suddenly speeds up. What if Haru actually already knows and actually feels the same? Makoto doesn’t want to let himself hope, but he guesses it’s something one can’t prevent from happening.

And just like that, Makoto suddenly doubts his decision to keep this huge _thing_ to himself. Haru has been his best friend all his life, so what if he’s in love with him? Haru will understand. Haru won’t just kick him out of his life. As long as Makoto doesn’t demand a relationship, they should be fine, right? And what if they are, after all, soulmates? What if what Haru means is actually that he doesn’t need a soulmark because he already knows it’s going to be Makoto?

Makoto opens his mouth to finally, _finally_ say what has been slumbering in his heart for so many years-

when the doorbell suddenly rings and Makoto jumps. Flustered, he checks the clock hanging on the wall above the TV. Ten-sixteen. Who could it be this late?

“I’ll get it,” he says and gets up, dumping Haru’s legs back on the couch.

The way to the front door is short, just through the living room door and turning to the left, so Makoto is there in a matter of seconds. He doesn’t even remember to look through the peephole and just opens it.

Only to freeze for a second time, this time including his blood.

“Rin?”

Rin is standing in front of him, shy smile on his lips. His red hair is still long, tied back with a band, and he’s only wearing a black hoodie, testimony of the much warmer weather at the moment. He rubs at his neck, obviously nervous, and that’s when Makoto notices the black lines on the inside of his wrist and his heart sinks and his stomach flips, as if gravity lifted for a brief moment, only to follow up with a sudden, strong pull. _Haru-_

“Hi, Makoto. I was wondering - oh hi, Haru!”

Haru has abandoned his place on the couch and actually come to the door, looking as surprised as Makoto at first, and it’s Haru’s presence that reminds Makoto of his manners.

“Right, why don’t you come in?” Makoto says and steps to the side. He hopes his steps don’t look as wobbly as he feels, and that his smile doesn’t look fake, because it feels plastic to him. He wishes the world could stop spinning so fast right now.

“Actually, Makoto, could I-”

“Sure, I’ll give you a moment-” Makoto says hurriedly and almost makes to leave the two of them alone, but the way Rin is still looking at him suggests that that is not what Rin has asked for.

“Er, I wanted to talk to you.” Rin looks nervous again. He’s fidgeting and looking back and forth between Makoto and Haru. Strangely, it calms Makoto back down a little.

“Okay?”

Rin turns fully to Haru this time when he speaks. “Could you give us a moment?” Makoto has never been more confused in his life.

Haru seems to look as bored as ever, but Makoto can see how his expression turns a little stony, a little guarded. Still, he nods briefly and trots back into the living room, closing the door behind him and leaving Makoto alone with Rin in the entryway.

With Haru gone, Makoto suddenly feels his nervousness intensify tenfold. He doesn’t know what to expect now. He was sure Rin has come to claim Haru as his soulmate. He was sure that those marks around his wrist are soulmarks. But why would Rin want to talk to _him_ then?

“I, er, don’t know if you’ve gone and got your soulmark yet, but I have,” Rin starts, and Makoto has trouble understanding him over the sound of his rushing blood.

“And, well, judging by your reaction before, I guess you didn’t - but, uh. Well. What I’m trying to say is…”

Rin takes a deep breath, closes and opens his eyes, and smiles shyly at Makoto.

“You’re my soulmate.” He offers his wrist to Makoto.

Makoto’s standing beside himself. At least that’s what it feels like. He isn’t really sure what’s happening anymore, and he can see Rin’s mouth moving, but he isn’t really consciously taking in what he’s saying.

“- so, I guess, it’d be nice if we could, you know, do something together. To get to know each other- I mean, I know you, but… you get-”

Makoto is still staring at Rin’s soulmark, holding Rin’s wrist in place. His name isn’t very long - just three kanji, so it doesn’t take all that much space on Rin’s wrist. But it’s definitely his, Makoto’s, name. Despite Rin’s tan, it’s still very prominent.

“Uh, Makoto?”

He drops Rin’s arm as if burned and his head snaps up. As if he’s done something forbidden, or rude.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“We should hang out sometime, just…” Rin makes a small, flaily gesture with his hand, “you know.”

Makoto doesn’t know, but he finds himself smiling uneasily, hoping it looks like a normal smile.

“Yeah,” he finds himself agreeing. Because he knows it’s expected of him. Because if Rin has his name on his wrist, Makoto inevitably has Rin’s on his.

“Tomorrow evening sound good?” Rin asks, pushing his hands into the pockets on his hoodie and pushing down so it stretches.

“Yeah,” he replies again, for lack of other words. His brain still hasn’t quite caught up with the situation, and he has a feeling he doesn’t really want to ever catch up with it. “Great! We’ll text when exactly and where, okay? Well, then- I’ll just,” Rin says, walks over to the living room door and opens it to briefly say goodbye to Haru, then flashes Makoto a small smile before leaving with a “Bye! See ya tomorrow!”

When Makoto settles back down on the couch, he’s still dazed. He wants to ask Haru if this is all a dream, but he knows he won’t get the answer he wants, so he doesn’t. Haru is curled up on his side of the couch, and Makoto already misses the weight of his legs on his lap.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Makoto wakes feeling restless. He wants to deny that it has anything to do with the arranged meeting with Rin today, but he can’t stop being consciously aware of it.

“What are you burning?” Haru asks from the doorway to the kitchen, and immediately, Makoto notices the burning smell coming from the frying pan in front of him.

“Ah!” He barely manages to abort his jerky movement of his hand holding the pan, or the whole thing would have gone flying, including its contents - fried, or rather, burned eggs. He carefully moves the pan to the side, away from the heat, and only then breathes a sigh of relief. Which is very short-lived.

“Oh no…” He looks down at the black and brown waste he just produced. In no way is that salvageable.

He’s never been a great cook - that’s something Haru likes doing from time to time. But he has, over the past few years, at least learned how to make basic food - he can fry eggs and cook potatoes and prepare fish, and other basic things. So it’s frustrating when these basic things don’t work out. He hates being confronted with his past incompetence, mainly because he thought he’s past that.

Haru wordlessly comes over, takes the frying pan from Makoto’s hand and pushes Makoto towards the table, onto a chair. Then Haru proceeds to take a couple eggs out of the fridge and begins to make new fried eggs that Makoto knows will turn out perfectly fine.

The window is already open, but burning smell is persistent and always takes a while to disappear. Makoto knows from experience. They’ll have to endure that smell for now.

He hates feeling useless, when he’s supposed to be the one who helps out.

He shakes his head to shake off that thought. No. He’s grateful he can rely on Haru to help him out from time to time, and that it’s reciprocal. If he’s honest with himself, he still feels a little lost without Haru. He doesn’t know what he’d do if they weren’t still together, and he doesn’t want to think about the implications of Rin’s soulmark.

Haru finishes the eggs without further incident and serves them both the breakfast Makoto wanted to serve.

He manages a weak smile for Haru. “Thanks.”  
Haru, as often, doesn’t reply, just starts eating quietly. But Makoto, who usually fills the silence with news about their friends or his plans - which Haru pretends not to care about but secretly does - doesn’t follow their usual pattern.

Haru clears his throat. It sounds out of place in their silence.

“Any news from Nagisa?”

Makoto pokes at his egg with his fork, doesn’t look up at Haru properly because he doesn’t think he can fake another cheerful smile when Haru is watching.

“Oh, the usual. He and Rei went to a cat café yesterday, apparently. They liked it a lot.”

The story had sounded like so much fun and Makoto has been fondly exasperated at their friends’ shenanigans when he read the long texts about it from Nagisa. Now, he can’t quite recall that feeling that suddenly appears so distant. He doesn’t offer any more details.

More silence passes, and Makoto is desperately aware that he’s not himself, that Haru has noticed. But he can’t quite find the words to have a normal conversation, as if he suddenly lost his ability to form sentences.

He wonders if his days with Haru are numbered now.

Throughout the morning, Haru keeps glancing at Makoto, expecting something - an explanation or apology, or maybe a confession. But Makoto looks away every time without responding.

Lunch is an even quieter affair. Haru doesn’t even try to get Makoto to talk, and Makoto desperately tries to come up with something to say, but before he knows it, they have finished eating and doing the dishes, and are on their way to the living room.

Since they haven’t planned anything for today, they would usually just relax, reading or watching something, sometimes playing games on the playstation. But Makoto feels off kilter, and feels like he’s forgotten how to act normal, so he sits down stiffly, and doesn’t really comprehend what he is reading.

Only around three in the afternoon does Makoto begin to relax again, his body too exhausted from his constant tension. Haru seems to pick up on it - he sends Makoto less of those worriedly expectant glances and more just expectant ones. Though what he is expecting, Makoto doesn’t know.

At around four Makoto has calmed down so much he lets Haru rest against his shoulder. It feels familiar and grounding, and Makoto wishes they could stay like that forever.

His mobile buzzes and immediately, his calm evaporates again. His heart feels heavy and his stomach lurches.

He bends forward to pick up his phone from the table, and it causes Haru to move away from him.

It’s a message from Rin. Of course it’s from Rin. He’d said he’d message Makoto. And yet, it’s still like someone emptied a bucket full of icy water over his head.

Rin is suggesting meeting around six at the Shinjuku station, and although Makoto’s got nothing left but to agree, he stares entirely too long at the screen before he actually does so.

When he leans back again, he glances over at Haru, who’s curled up in his corner again, like yesterday, looking back at him with something in his eyes Makoto can’t quite decipher.

It looks a lot like disappointment.

 

* * *

 

When Makoto arrives about twenty minutes early, a relatively strong wind has picked up, and he is grateful for it after standing in a packed train and collectively sweating with all fellow passengers. He doesn’t think Rin is already there, but then he spots the familiar redhead near the exit, leaning against the wall and looking down on his phone.

The first thing Makoto notices is how Rin is wearing his long, dark-olive cotton pants, and he wonders if being in Australia for so long and so frequently gives you heat resistance. For a brief moment, it distracts him from his nerves and he squeezes through the crowd until he reaches Rin.

“Hi.”

Rin immediately snaps his head up and puts his phone into stand-by. He grins up at Makoto, his sharp teeth showing. “Hey, Makoto. You’re early.” He doesn’t really sound surprised. “You too.” Makoto tries to smile back as good as he can, even though it feels like he’s failing in that task.

Rin laughs and rubs at his neck. “Yeah, my train arrives at this time.”

Makoto doubts he couldn’t have taken a later train and still be in time, but he can’t really judge when he’s early himself, now, can he?

“Yeah… Did you have a plan, or are we deciding on the fly what we’re doing?” Makoto asks, pushing his hands into the pockets of his shorts, so they are occupied.

“Ah! Right, I do have a plan! I thought, so we can talk better, we could start with going somewhere to eat, so I thought we’d grab a seat at Manzoku.”

“Okay.”

They smile nervously at each other before they both start walking nearly at the same time. The walk to the restaurant is a little awkward, with Rin trying to make small talk - he even comments on the weather once. Though when Makoto asks about Gou and Rin’s mother, the conversation starts flowing a lot easier. Thankfully, the walk to the restaurant isn’t all that long and before they know it, they’re already there and seated.

It’s not a fancy restaurant and rather small, but they are lucky to get a small table at the window. Makoto tries to stall for time by going through the menu thoroughly, and Rin doesn’t seem to notice much because he’s also still perusing the menu. It’s almost like Rin is as nervous and without plan as Makoto is.

They finally order two soups.

“So… how’s university life? How’s Haru?” Rin asks, pushing the hair that escaped his band behind his ear. Of course it would be about Haru. Makoto feels like Haru is all they have in common. Still, he replies without any real hesitation.

“It’s going pretty well, though it can be hard at university. There’s a lot to learn and study, and exam period is hell, but it’s totally worth it in the end. As for Haru… well, you know Haru. He’s still doing his best at swimming and his trainer, Maeda-sensei, is very dedicated. It wouldn’t surprise me if his training regime gets stepped up to six days a week any time soon.”

Makoto replies without any real hesitation because he finds it easy to talk about Haru. He can probably always talk about Haru, and he will never run out of things to say about him. Sometimes he fears he’s a little too obsessed, too narrowed on Haru. But he can’t help it - Haru has been such a big part of his life for as long as he can remember.

“So you’re still pursuing the teacher career, huh? Haru and me aren’t the only dedicated ones, it seems.” Rin grins again, this time looking a lot less shy and nervous than at the station. “I guess I need to step up my game as well, if I want to compete with Haru!”

It gets a little quiet again, and Rin probably notices too that they haven’t really talked about what they should be talking about. Not that Makoto is very inclined to talk about it, but even if he’s afraid and reluctant, he knows it has to be done. And he knows he has to tell Rin the truth, even if it’s his most guarded secret. That much, he feels, he owes Rin.

It’s just that he doesn’t know how to begin.

Fortunately, Rin has always been blunt and direct. Even though today, he hasn’t really shown that quality of his yet. Until now.

“Makoto,” he starts and pauses as if collecting his thoughts, “I think we should talk about the soulmark.”

Makoto hasn’t forgotten. He’s just been trying not to look at Rin’s arm. But now that Rin mentions it, Makoto’s eyes immediately find the black characters against Rin’s tan skin. They still spell out Tachibana Makoto very clearly and unequivocally.

“Right.”

It’s then that they are interrupted by a waiter bringing their soups. However, it doesn’t derail Rin from his intention. Once the waiter is gone, he starts again.

“I… I don’t know how to tell you this.” Rin starts fiddling with his fingers and looking down at them. “But when I went to get my soulmark, I really wasn’t expecting it to be you.”

This time, Makoto is smiling in earnest, because that’s something he agrees with. He would have never thought that Rin and him might be soulmates. They have got on well with each other, but still, Rin is so different. Makoto has always thought that Haru couldn’t possibly be bis soulmate because he was sure Haru’s soulmate was Rin and Rin’s Haru. But now that Rin’s soulmate isn’t Haru, Makoto feels betrayed. Not by Rin or Haru, but by fate. So many of the people he knows that got their soulmarks have got predictable matches. It’s almost always someone already in their lives. A minority, of course not too small, matched with people they hadn’t met yet. But even those matches were often explainable.

But Makoto can’t explain _this_.

“I can’t fault you, I wouldn’t have thought that either.”

Rin grins at him. “To be honest, I wasn’t really thinking about anyone when I got my mark, or at least I thought I wasn’t expecting anyone. But when your name was revealed, I was very surprised. I thought you and Haru, you know.”

Makoto can feel his smile freeze, though he hopes Rin won’t notice.

“But…” To Makoto, Rin looks like he’s closing in for the final kill. “Even though I was surprised, I think it’s actually a good thing, and I’d like to try this.”

“Right.”

Makoto doesn’t know what to reply to that. He knows he needs to tell Rin the truth, but now that Rin looks so hopeful, Makoto also doesn’t want to upset him. _Impossible_ , rings in his head, said in unison in the voice of little school girls.

Rin is raising his brows. “You don’t look very happy. Is something wrong?”

Makoto tries to unfreeze his smile by making it brighter. “I’m fine, it’s fine.”

Rin still looks doubtful, but he proceeds to take a slurp of his soop. “Have you decided when to get your soulmark yet?”

“I have to tell you the truth.” Makoto can’t help it, it just pours out of him. He isn’t sure if it’s because he feels cornered, or because he thinks it’s wrong not to tell him in this situation. Or maybe because he doesn’t want to be pushed into this by force. Because if he’s learned something, it’s that he has to make his decisions on his own terms.

“I’m in love with Haru.”

Rin blinks at him. Then blinks some more. “You…”

“I’ve been for a long time, okay, but I always thought there’s no way we’d be soulmates, so I never- I don’t want to get my soulmark. I want to be with Haru any way I can.”

Makoto sees the irritation in Rin’s frown before Rin replies. “Wow, that’s just- That’s mad. And now you know you’re my soulmate and you still- what’s _wrong_ with you?!”

Makoto actually flinches at Rin’s rising tone and flinches again when Rin abruptly stands.

Rin breathes out heavily before continuing in a much calmer voice. “I can’t- I need to go.”

And with that Rin storms out of the restaurant, leaving Makoto with their cooling soups.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto and Rin talk. Everything else goes spectacularly wrong.

Makoto doesn’t think there is a way out of the mess his life has suddenly become.

He’s still sitting on his bed, not really sure how much time has already passed since he came home. He has picked his brain as much as he could, but hasn’t been able to come up with anything that could solve this situation.

Haru hasn’t pried yet, for which Makoto is grateful. He knows that Haru understands when Makoto needs time to think. For himself. So Haru had only taken one look at Makoto and wandered back into the living room, leaving Makoto to his own devices.

Makoto sighs and rubs his forehead against the budding headache from all his thinking. The worst thing is that he knows what he probably ought to do. But what he probably ought to do isn’t exactly what he wants to do. He knows that once word spreads, he’ll be forced into doing it anyway. Because it’s his duty, and Makoto has never ignored his duties. The problem lies in how to manage his relationship with Rin without compromising his relationship with Haru. Because Makoto meant what he told Rin. He wants to be with Haru any way he can. He has been pretty happy with his situation up till Rin threw his metaphorical bomb in the form of a soulmark at Makoto, just sharing an apartment and continuing being in each other’s lives. He doesn’t want that to stop.

Makoto sighs again. He looks towards his desk in hopes of finding a distraction, and his eyes land on a framed picture of the five of them - Haru, Nagisa, Rei, himself and Rin. All laughing, all still wet from the chlorined water. It was from high school, when they had found each other again.

A wistful smile creeps on Makoto’s face. Even with all the drama around Rin back then, life has been much simpler and easier and soulmarks haven’t been such burdens.

There is a knock on his door - quiet - and then Haru peaks inside, quickly spotting Makoto on his bed.

“I made curry, come eat with me?”

For a moment, Makoto stares at him, dumbfounded. Then a comfortable warmth spreads from his belly throughout his chest, and he feels loved, even if he’s still feeling a little sick and doesn’t really want to eat.

“Sure,” he says and stands, hoping the nausea he’s feeling won’t ruin it.

 

The table is already set, Makoto’s favorite food ready at his seat. Of course Haru made mackerel for himself, but then again, he hasn’t had mackerel in two days, so Makoto isn’t surprised.

When he sits down, though, he still lacks his usual appetite, and his body stubbornly reminds him of his nausea. He catches a whiff of the smell and his nausea promptly intensifies.

“You okay?”

Haru is squinting at him contemplatively and Makoto feels something tug at his heart.

“I’m fine- actually, no.” He doesn’t know why he decides to talk, when usually, he just pretends he’s good until he finds a solution himself. But he does.

“Do you think…” he tapers off with a frown, then tries again. “I think Rin is so mad at me that he might never want to speak to me again.”

Makoto looks up at Haru in anticipation of his reaction, whether or not he’ll dismiss Makoto’s worries. In the past, Haru would probably have said something rude or made a rude gesture. He’s always hated how relationships could be so complex with all their complications. In the beginning, Makoto is pretty sure that Haru only stayed with him because Makoto’s always made it so easy for him.

But Haru is looking back at him with a thoughtful expression.

“You should communicate in the water.”

For a moment, Makoto’s mind is blank. Then he suddenly bursts out laughing.

“You’re always…” Makoto starts and brushes away a tear from the corner of his eye. “I guess you’re right. We should talk, I guess.”

Makoto isn’t sure how Haru does it, but Makoto always feels lighter and more optimistic about his obstacles and problems after talking to Haru about them. Granted, the usual obstacles or problems Makoto talks to Haru about are far less serious and difficult to work out. This time, though, unlike that time with Hayato, they can’t really rely on past experience. Not only has Makoto never really had an argument with Rin before, he also only had that one argument with Haru - which Rin so conveniently solved for them.

This situation is very different, and Makoto admits that he’s scared. He hopes his resolve to talk to Rin again will last long enough for him to actually get to that point.

The rest of the meal, Makoto keeps rather quiet, not quite able not to mull it over. This time, Haru quietly lets him.

 

* * *

 

Makoto thinks he has to call Rin immediately after dinner to solve this. Maybe Haru is right and it’s really just a misunderstanding, a miscommunication. Maybe Rin just hasn’t properly understood Makoto - and Makoto doesn’t blame him. It must be hard to hear something like that from your soulmate.

Then it’s after dinner and Makoto is sitting over his assignment for university, not really moving forward, neither with the assignment nor with Rin. He’ll definitely call Rin after, he thinks. But then never does as minutes turn into an hour and he manages to finish the assignment.

He’ll text at least, he then thinks, bending over to rummage in his bag for his phone and fishing it out. For a while he blankly stares at the screen, waking his phone back up every time the screen turns black again.

It’s ten-thirteen. Too late for a call - his parents raised him to be polite, and phone calls this late definitely don’t belong in that category.

He sighs. There’s nothing to it.

He types in _We need to talk,_ then deletes it, thinking it sounds way too cliché and dramatic, like he’s breaking up with Rin - and they aren’t even dating.

_Can we meet?_ He types out then, though doesn’t send it immediately, still not pleased with the phrasing.

He signs again. How hard can it be to write a single text message that isn’t even supposed to be long. It’s just a few words. _Pull yourself together_.

_Can we talk?_ Is what Makoto ends up with in the end. He hovers his thumb over the send button. Looks down at the words. Reads and re-reads them a couple more times.

He presses down on the home button instead and the text disappears, display back to the clock widget and a few app shortcuts over a picture of them all in front of the cherry tree at their old school, Rin included.

He can’t make the guilt and disappointment in himself disappear as easily as the text.

 

* * *

 

Before he knows it, a week has almost passed and he still hasn’t managed to contact Rin. Neither has Rin tried to contact him.

It’s one of those humid, almost unbearably hot days that make you dizzy and weak in the limbs, but somehow, you still power through.

The café he’s part-timing at is relatively empty, what with it being midday and people probably rather choosing ice cream parlors instead. Makoto can’t fault them, everything seems so subdued, as if a blanket of tranquility covered the world, muffling all sounds. It’s during this more quiet and calm moment - everyone being served - that Gou and her friend Hanamura-san enter. Gou looks around as if searching for something or someone, until her eyes land on Makoto behind the counter.

Makoto knows what this will be about before she even reaches him. Her face didn’t light up the way it usually does when she spots her friends and her stride is firmer and determined - she clearly means business.

“Gou-chan, Hanamura-san, hello,” Makoto greets them, trying to act as he usually would.

“Makoto-senpai,” she replies curtly, though her tone isn’t as harsh as Makoto was expecting.

“How are you two doing?”

Gou seems to soften after a moment. “I’m fine. University is a lot harder than I thought, though.”

“True! It’s so hard to make the deadlines when you’re also trying to be creative!” Hanamura-san pipes in.

“Are you studying Fine Arts?” Makoto asks politely. Maybe he is wrong after all and it’s all the heat that makes him imagine things. He does feel a little fuzzy in the head.

“Media Design. I’d have loved Fine Arts, but I need to be realistic about my future. I’m not one of those art geniuses like Takemura back from school. But Media Design is a lot of fun, too, if you’re not on tight deadlines.”

“Your photography is amazing, though! You _have_ to take some photos of me soon, before summer is over!” Gou adds and bumps their shoulders together, smiling proudly at Hanamura-san, who looks a little bit bashful and a lot pleased.

Gou returns her attention to Makoto then. “There’s something I want to ask of you, Makoto-senpai.”

He knew it. It’s hard to keep the smile from disappearing, but Makoto is experienced in that, even with a suddenly pounding heart.

“What is it?”

“Can you talk to my brother?”

Makoto’s heart makes a jittery jump at the mention of Rin. He grips the counter and if there’s ever a time he wished for a customer to come in, this is it.

“He was really angry and I think he’s confused. I’m sure it’s all a big misunderstanding, but he won’t come to you if you don’t contact him. My brother’s hard-headed like that, as you well know.”

Makoto lets out a soundless breath. “I… yeah, I wanted to call him, but I was… afraid.” Makoto feels a little guilty for telling her only half the truth. He has the impression that Gou is under a misconception, but he is too fuzzy in the head and too scared to correct her. He doesn’t want her to never speak to him again, too.

Gou smiles at him sympathetically, but all Makoto can think is _I don_ _’t deserve your sympathy._

“You know Rin. He’s not the easiest when it comes to arguments.”

“Isn’t that true? I still remember how you had to come up to _him_ when he accidentally forgot to pick you up because he mixed up the dates!” Hanamura throws in with a chuckle.

“Chigusa!” Gou looks embarrassed for about two seconds.

“At least text him? I’m sure he’ll respond because he has this tendency not to ignore messages and calls.”

Makoto nods at her. “I will.”

Even though he’s afraid, but that is the least he can do.

Gou’s smile brightens. “Thanks! I’m sure you’ll work it out, you’ve been friends for so long.”

Makoto’s world suddenly freezes and this time, he can’t stop the frown from chasing away his forced smile. He had completely forgotten that Rin was his friend too. Well, not exactly _forgotten_ , but he hasn’t really been thinking about it. About how he is currently losing one of his oldest and best friends.

“Makoto-senpai?” Gou is looking up at him worriedly, and Makoto pushes all these thoughts and the pain in his chest away, putting on his smile again.

“Sorry, I just spaced out for a bit. It’s the weather,” he lies, and even though Gou doesn’t look all that convinced, Hanamura-san seems to swallow it.

“Great. Now that _that_ _’s_ over with, can we order coffee like you promised?” Hanamura-san says, looking pointedly at Gou, who rubs at her neck and smiles apologetically at her friend. Hanamura-san moves her gaze back to Makoto again. “I heard you make good flavored latte!”

Makoto laughs a little and the drumming of his heart slows down gradually. He makes the girls flavored lattes - hazelnut and vanilla - and lets them chat among themselves at a table near a window. They seem happy and unconcerned, and for a moment, Makoto is jealous and resents them for having it so easy.

_What are you thinking_. He shakes his head and berates himself, adding to his guilt. After all, _he_ probably seems happy and unconcerned as well, even though it’s far from the truth. So who is he to judge others?

One of his colleagues comes over to him at the same time that an order is printed from the small printer to the side of the register, and he once again sets off to work, grateful that the heat makes it practically impossible to think too much about a certain redhead.

 

* * *

 

That night, he sends the text he had written almost a week ago and puts his phone on his nightstand, thinking that Rin will probably take some time to respond.

He’s wrong. Rin’s reply comes only less than three minutes later.

_If you_ _’re free tomorrow at around 3, meet me at the sato museum at the national garden._

Makoto stares at it for a while, then breaks out of his stupor and types in an answer.

_I_ _’ll be there._

He hopes for the best, even though he can feel the ugly darkness of doubt surround him.

 

* * *

 

Makoto is early again, even though he knew it would be a bad idea. His nerves are shot and he feels shaky, as if his whole body is trembling, even though he has checked his hands multiple times and they were fine. He still doesn’t exactly know what to tell Rin. There isn’t anyone he could have asked, and how can you even really find the right words for rejecting your soulmate?

Rin isn’t that early this time, though he still arrives ten minutes before three, and even though Makoto is expecting him, is here _because_ of him, he still has a knee-jerk reaction when he spots Rin walking towards him.

“Hey.” Rin is short with him, doesn’t look Makoto in the eyes, and his tone is brusque. Makoto can almost see how his already small confidence is evaporating at the speed of light. He nervously swallows down a developing clump in his throat.

“Hey…” his voice comes out brittle and uneven, and he wishes he could take it back and try again, but it’s too late.

Rin finally looks up at him, scrutinizes him, and Makoto has a hard time not to squirm under that hard gaze. He’s forgotten how good Rin can be at looking scary.

Rin sighs and visibly relaxes a little. It says a lot that Makoto hasn’t even noticed that he was so tense.

“Want to come for a walk?” Rin offers, and the way he’s not frowning anymore makes Makoto a little calmer. Not by much, but it’s a start. He guesses walking might make it easier, so he readily agrees and they walk right into the park.

At first neither of them says a word and they pass several other people, dog owners walking their dogs, parents with children, until Rin sighs again.

“You wanted to talk?”

Makoto tenses up immediately, though he doesn’t stop or slow down.

“Yeah, I guess I wanted to explain…”

He chances a quick glance at Rin, who’s thankfully looking ahead, expression closed-up and guarded, then looks ahead too.

“I guess it’s hard to understand why I would… well, reject my soulmate-”

“Damn right it is…” Rin mutters, though he glances at Makoto briefly and nods as if to say he can go on.

“Well…” Makoto pushes his hands into the pockets of his shorts because they are beginning to tingle again. “I think… I think I’ve been in love with Haru for a really long time now.”

Strangely, Makoto had thought getting it out a second time might be easier, but it isn’t. It’s just as hard as the first time, and it also doesn’t really make him feel better at all. He doesn’t know how to continue, the right words just won’t come to him.

“I guess…” Rin finally says before Makoto had the chance to gather his thoughts properly, “I can understand you somewhat.”

They pass a bench with an old couple feeding doves and walk on under the shadow of the trees planted everywhere. All in all it’s a rather pleasant day after the humid heat they had before, though Makoto can’t really appreciate it as much.

“I haven’t really thought that you were really in love, you know,” Rin continues, still looking ahead. “But the past week, I’ve been thinking about it, and it makes sense. If you’re really _in love_ , that’s a whole different ballgame. Love is love… I guess you can’t just choose to fall out of it.”

The light filtering through the trees casts shadowy patterns on Rin’s face and he looks rather peaceful like that. Makoto suddenly remembers how they stood under the cherry tree at their old school, how Rin looked similar back then when he revealed to them that he’d be leaving for Australia, how they had agreed under that tree to give their best at the relay.

“Yeah,” Makoto agrees quietly, “I can’t… I really don’t want to lose Haru.”

Rin looks back at him and their eyes meet. Instead of frowning, though, Rin looks at him with a mixture of contemplation and mild empathy.

“But I also don’t want to lose you,” Makoto adds, then can’t bear to keep looking at Rin and looks ahead again.

Rin sighs once again, though this time it doesn’t sound as heavy. “I don’t wanna lose you, either.”

They’re quiet for a while, just walking wherever the path is taking them.

“But…” Rin starts again, “I still want to try this. It _has_ to mean something that you’re my soulmate, right? Can’t you at least, I don’t know, give it a shot? I’m not asking you to leave Haru or stop being friends with him, you know.”

Makoto looks down at the ground. He supposes Rin is right. It doesn’t mean he has to give up all his time with Haru, or to move out right away.

“I think… I think I can do that.”

“And maybe… we just started it all wrong, you know. Going to a restaurant and all that fancy stuff? That’s not really like us, don’t you think?” Rin is grinning at him now, it almost looks like his patented sharp-toothed grin.

“You have a point,” Makoto relents. “We’re both romantics, remember?” Rin chuckles at that. “We should do stuff like this, walking through parks and admire flowers or something.”

Rin actually laughs at that, and Makoto joins in, letting the tension float away into the air and disappear in the shadows of the trees. This is how he used to feel like with Rin. They had laughed together like this before, and it feels great to do it again.

“So, let’s try this differently this time, be more ourselves?” Rin is smiling at him, and Makoto can’t deny him, because there really isn’t anything he could say against that plan.

“Yeah, let’s try.”

 

* * *

 

Makoto is still smiling mildly when he opens the door to his and Haru’s apartment. After he and Rin had cleared the air between them, they had agreed to meet again, this time at Rin’s, and today’s been that day. Now that Makoto doesn’t feel pressured into a relationship he doesn’t want, it’s a lot easier to hang out with Rin. They had simply played some video games and relaxed in his room, had some tea with Gou and Rin’s mother and just an overall great time. Rin had accompanied Makoto to the door and just bid him a good night, and Makoto had left feeling light after having spent time with a good friend. It was nice, it was relaxing.

“I’m home!” he calls and carefully takes off his shoes, but even after also carefully storing them he still hasn’t received the usual welcome-home grunt Haru greets him with. Makoto frowns and walks into the living room only to find it empty, the TV screen black and the couch void. His frown deepens. Normally, Haru likes to relax on the couch in the evenings when he’s home. This is highly unusual. Did Makoto mix up the days and Haru’s not home yet?

Makoto walks up to Haru’s room and knocks. “Haru, you there?”

When he doesn’t receive a reply, he opens the door and peeks inside.

Haru is sitting curled up on his bed, a magazine in front of his face, blocking Makoto’s view of him and making Makoto’s frown deepen even further.

“Haru? Is everything ok?”

But Haru just grunts, which could mean anything from ‘I’m fine’ to ‘Get lost.’

“Haru, what’s up? You can talk to me, you know.”

Finally, Haru slaps the magazine down on the bed beside him and glares up at Makoto and Makoto actually flinches at that.

“I’m _fine_.” Haru’s tone clearly carries a ‘don’t bother me’ and all it does is make Makoto worry even more and his thoughts jump from one explanation to the next.

“Is it me? Did I do something?”

Haru rolls his eyes and puts the magazine back up in front of his face. “I said I’m fine.”

Makoto continues standing at the door for a couple seconds, feeling lost and like an idiot. Haru obviously won’t talk to him, so whatever it is, he wants to deal with it himself. Makoto has never been pushy, and the same way Haru respects his wish to be left alone to deal with stuff sometimes, Makoto decides he should respect Haru’s wish to be left alone now. So Makoto rather stiltedly turns back around, closes the door behind him and trots back down the hall to the kitchen. When you’re not feeling right, tea always helps, is what his mother used to say, so he goes straight for the kettle, fills it up and waits for it to finish heating up the water.

He guesses nothing good can last forever. He just hopes that whatever is wrong with Haru isn’t because of him.

 

* * *

 

The next day, though, Haru is still showing him the cold shoulder, ignoring him during breakfast and only acknowledging Makoto with a nod before leaving. It feels like he has done something wrong, and for a whole hour, he feels very inadequate. Like _everything_ is wrong, like the world is tilted on its axis.

He is very grateful when the doorbell is finally ringing because he knows who it is and they always make him feel better without even trying.

“Ya-hoo, Mako-chan!” Nagisa jumps at him as soon as the door is open and hangs off his neck - Nagisa’s version of a hug, probably. Rei just greets him like a normal person, though he’s smiling brightly as well.

“Long time no see,” Rei says and Makoto agrees, getting all the ‘unnecessary empty phrases’, as Haru calls them, out of the way. Immediately, he feels more at ease, because Nagisa’s bubbly personality is just perfect to get swept up in.

“Ready for the take-off to the best birthday-planning ever?” Nagisa wiggles his brows and Makoto laughs. He’s glad he can depend on his friends like that.

“As ready as I can be.”

Nagisa herds him into the car and settles in the front passenger seat himself, beside Rei, who’s the driver today.

It doesn’t take long to collect Rin as well.

“So, got any ideas already?” Rin asks as soon as he’s in the car next to Makoto.

“That’s right!” Nagisa says and turns around excitedly to look at Makoto and Rin on the backseats. “I thought it’d be great to visit Iwatobi High again! So I convinced Amakata-sensei to let us into the pool after school!”

“Wow, Nagisa, you’re fast.” Makoto feels both proud and a little scared of how much Nagisa can accomplish when he puts his mind to it.

Nagisa winks at him. “We still need cake and party stuff though!”

“Water-proof party stuff, I guess,” Rin adds and Makoto chuckles. Knowing them, that stuff will really end up in the pool, with a high chance of it happening before the party even begins.

“There’s a nice cake shop in Shibuya, I think they could make a nice cake for Haru,” Makoto says. He’s actually went around the cake shops he could find on the internet and had a look at the cakes. The one in Shibuya looked very promising and the staff was very friendly and answered all his questions competently.

“Would they do a water-motif?” Rei asks.

“Hmm, I was there and asked, and they said it should be no problem.”

“Then we should check it out!” Nagisa decides and Rei nods, already looking to take the right way to Shibuya and asking Makoto about the address.

When they arrive, the shop is busy, just like the last time Makoto went there. He actually has to drag Nagisa away from a three-story strawberry cake. “Don’t drool on the cake.”

But Nagisa’s attention is already snatched away by the next beautiful cake and Makoto isn’t quick enough to stop him from rushing towards it.

“Just leave him, you won’t be able to hold him back,” Rei tells him with a fond smile on his face. “You know his sweet tooth.”

They manage to successfully order the cake even without Nagisa, though Nagisa complains the whole way to their next stop that they did it without him.

“Hey, hey, Mako-chan, check this out!” Nagisa comes to a skidding halt in front of Makoto and presents heart-shaped confetti to him. On a closer look, Makoto spots a pretty Celtic-knot design on them.

“It’s the triquetra knot! Its possible meanings are infinity and protection. Isn’t that romantic?” He practically shoves it into Makoto’s face until Makoto takes them to look even closer, though only for Nagisa’s sake.

“They also offer to put your and your soulmate’s names on the confetti here! That’s so cool! We should totally do that for you and Rin,” Nagisa chirps on and wiggles his brows again.

Makoto doesn’t reply. He doesn’t really know how to, and he notices that Rei is also listening in. It’s hard to tell them the truth as well, when it’s something so private, and when he doesn’t know how they will react. Nagisa and Rei are soulmates after all, and they never doubted it as far as Makoto knows.

“When are you getting your soulmark, anyway?” Nagisa asks, and Makoto’s heart freezes.

“Uhm…”

“You haven’t decided yet? I mean, I guess it’s not pressing, since you already know anyway, right?”

Suddenly, Makoto feels backed into a corner. He keeps staring at the confetti because he can’t make himself look at Nagisa and contradict him. But he also can’t lie to him. How could he possibly lie to _Nagisa_?

“I’m not… I’m not really planning on getting my soulmark,” he admits quietly, fiddling with the edges of the package of confetti.

“What?” Rei takes the few steps to come stand beside Nagisa, who hasn’t said anything yet.

“Why?” Nagisa finally asks him, tone incredulous and Makoto can imagine the surprised expression on their faces.

“I just…”

“It’s his decision,” Rin talks over him firmly. “And it’s fine.”

The silence that follows demonstrates how not fine it actually is, but apparently, nobody dares to argue with Rin about this. Afterwards, there is an uncomfortable tension between them all that none of them can quite shake off and the car ride back is mostly spent in silence. Makoto feels off-kilter again, can barely keep himself from trembling, because how could he have ever thought this would turn out fine? Now even his other friends won’t talk to him anymore, just because Makoto doesn’t want to follow the societal norms, the conventions. He feels nauseous, and even though Rin is shooting him worried glances, he can’t muster the will or strength to meet them and ease Rin’s worry. Because even if Rin understands, the world won’t let him be.


	3. Chapter 3

The following week there are no texts from Nagisa or Rei, though he does call Nagis for more birthday planning and it only goes as smoothly as it does because they just talk business, and Haru is still mostly ignoring him, though he stopped being snappy. Makoto feels like his life is rapidly disintegrating. He hasn’t slept through a night since the birthday-planning, and he feels jittery and on edge constantly. The only time he was able to relax was when he met up with Rin again. They were just walking side by side again, this time around a lake, and Makoto actually told Rin everything, who listened to him so patiently.

_“Maybe try talking to him again now? He seems to have calmed down at least a little,”_ Rin had told him, and Makoto had tried, though Haru had once again insisted that he’s fine and that Makoto should stop worrying so much.

And now it’s Saturday, June 30, Haru’s birthday, and Haru is still not back to normal with Makoto. He has mulled it over every single day, and has probably come up with a dozen explanations, though the one standing out is that Haru is either mad at Makoto for spending more time with Rin now. It’s a change, this soulmate stuff, and Makoto knows how much Haru dislikes change. Either that, or he is actually mad that Makoto hasn’t really tried dating Rin. Normally, people would go and get their soulmarks immediately, and Makoto hasn’t done that, so maybe Haru thinks he is indecisive or looking for Haru’s approval first - things he would have done in the past.

So he has decided. He will try this thing with Rin, and he will tell Haru about it, confront him. Because he really doesn’t want this to continue until they become strangers to one another. He doesn’t want their relationship to be this cold.

Makoto knocks on Haru’s door and, unexpectedly, even gets a grunt in reply. He opens it and finds Haru lying on his bed lazily, clad in shorts and a tank top, one leg dangling from the edge, doing nothing.

“Haru, can I talk to you for a second?”

Haru turns to him and sits up, his expression blank as ever. He doesn’t say anything to affirm it, but he also doesn’t stop Makoto, so Makoto enters the room, already feeling nervous and small.

“Actually, I… I want to tell you something. As you know, I’m Rin’s soulmate.” Haru’s expression suddenly turns a little sour, which only confirms Makoto’s suspicion that his foul mood has got to do with that. “And I… I didn’t want to try at first, but… I will try to be a good soulmate from now on. And I also want to be a good best friend to you, so can you… can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

Haru’s expression softens and he sighs. “Sorry.”

Makoto patiently waits for him to continue, but just when Haru opens his mouth to say something, the doorbell rings and Makoto jumps. He should have known that Nagisa and Rei will be early. When he begins to turn around Haru stops him, though.

“Wait.”

And just like that, Makoto immediately stops and waits.

“You’ve done nothing wrong, Makoto.” The expression on Haru’s face is one Makoto has never seen before, and it’s disturbing that he doesn’t understand it, when he usually always understood Haru, at least to some extent. This time, he can’t read it at all.

“So… we’re good?”

Haru nods. “We’re good.”

Makoto sighs in relief. “I’m glad. I was really-” He is cut off by the doorbell, now ringing several times in succession. Probably Nagisa getting impatient.

“I’ll get it,” Makoto says and rushes to the door. When he opens it, Nagisa and Rei greet him, both with strained smiles, and he is reminded of the other situation he got himself into.

“Hey,” he greets them shyly, and while Rei smiles back just as shyly, Nagisa is as forceful as ever, yelling a loud “Hi!” obviously meant for Haru, and then just struts in.

“Haru-chan! We’ve come for you and you can’t hiiide!” Nagisa strides straight into Haru’s room and drags a reluctant Haru out of it and towards the entrance.

“We’re going back to Iwatobi! People actually want to see you there, too, you know!”

Despite Haru’s grumbling and attempt to flee back into the apartment, they eventually manage to get him into the car and drive off towards Iwatobi, where Rin should already be awaiting them, pool decorated and ready. Fortunately, Nagisa and Rei act completely normal on the way there, chatting with both Haru and Makoto and pretending the incident at the shop didn’t happen.

 

* * *

 

Haru is beginning to feel excited, Makoto can see it. He’s still wearing his blank look, but it’s not quite _that_ blank anymore, and he’s not fighting Nagisa as much, either, while the blond drags him through the schoolyard and towards the pool - blindfolded, of course, though Makoto is pretty sure Haru knows where it’s headed.

Makoto is hanging back slightly, together with Rei, and he’s trying to gather his confidence to speak up about his relationship with Rin, about the soulmark, but he doesn’t really know how to start.

“I’m glad everything worked out,” Rei says, fond smile on his face. He’s looking ahead at Nagisa and Haru.

“Yeah, me too. We haven’t been here in ages.” Iwatobi High has changed little, but still noticeably. Apparently, there have been a few projects to pretty up the schoolyard. The walls, including those of the pool locker rooms and showers, got a new coating, looking shiny, new and much friendlier now, there are now flowerbeds in the middle of the schoolyard with beautiful blooming flowers and there are even some pretty, colorful stone-formations pupils can use to sit on during recess. It’s good to see the school improving and flourishing.

“You know, Nagisa worries about you and Rin - me too. That’s the only reason things are a little awkward,” Rei says, still not looking at Makoto, and somehow, it makes it easier for Makoto to get through this conversation. “You know, not getting the soulmark is… We just want you to be happy, and for you to be on good terms with each other.”

Makoto smiles. That reasoning is definitely like them, and it’s touching that his friends still care so much about his happiness, but Makoto knows what to tell them now. Hopefully, it will be enough to ease their worries.

“You don’t have to wo-” Makoto starts, but of course a small commotion interrupts him.

“Amakata-sensei!” Nagisa is almost yelling, and now Makoto is sure Haru has to know where they are. Nagisa can never keep things quiet, and Amakata-sensei’s presence is all the clue Haru needs.

“Hazuki-kun, everyone, it’s good to see you!” Amakata-sensei greets them all with her sweet voice and calm demeanor, and Makoto calms down a little despite himself. The walk through the lockers and out to the pool isn’t long, and Makoto doesn’t have the chance to pick up his conversation with Rei. He hopes there will be an opportunity to get this off his chest later today.

“Ready?” Nagisa asks much too loudly, though at that moment, nobody holds it against him. Nagisa doesn’t even give Haru a chance to reply, just rips the blindfold off him and holds his breath until Rin, who’s been standing in front of them quietly, nods.

“Happy Birthday!” they all call in unison - more or less, anyway.

Haru looks enchanted. His eyes are practically sparkling, and justifiably so. Rin has outdone himself. There are balloons and birthday decorations hanging everywhere and though they aren’t real cherry blossoms with it not being the season, there’s fake ones floating in the water. There are even floating tires and pool noodles (definitely Nagisa’s doing).

“I thought, after what you guys did for me, I could return the favor,” Rin says, looking abashed, and Makoto is proud. Rin really did have a lot of work on his plate, and even though Makoto helped out organizing it all on the phone, it’s not comparable.

Then he notices the way Rin is smiling at Haru, and something in his chest shifts painfully. But before he can process it, and before anybody can react, Haru is already undressed and jumping into the pool. And Makoto runs on auto-pilot, fondly shakes his head. “That’s so typical for Haru.”

“I see he hasn’t changed in that repsect!” Nagisa chimes in and begins recounting the day he got the others to help him test how big the container of water had to be for Haru to strip and try to get in it. Everyone is immediately amused and laughing, and Makoto is joining in, even though he’s feeling like he’s standing beside himself.

Nagisa and Rei join Haru in the water then and leave Rin, Makoto and Amakata-sensei to themselves.

“Tachibana-kun, how are your studies going? Are you still trying to become a teacher?” Amakata-sensei asks. Despite it sounding like polite conversation, she sounds genuinely interested. She even remembered what he wanted to apply for all those years ago.

“Yes, I’m studying to become a teacher. I still have two semesters to go, and then it’s practical experience, but what am I telling you, you’ve probably gone through the same, haven’t you, sensei?”

She laughs good-natured. “Yes, it’s tough, but worth it in the end. I’ve always thought you would be a good teacher, to be honest.”

“True,” Rin agrees, grinning toothily. “The moment you told me you’d study to become a teacher, I was convinced you’d breeze through it.”

Makoto can feel his cheeks heat up a little. He’s never been all that good with so much praise, mainly because he doesn’t believe that he’s worthy of it because it’s not special and he’s not special.

Rin throws his arm around Makoto suddenly, the familiarity of the gesture tugging at the same place inside his chest that had ached before.

“Oh! I almost forgot. Congratulations, I’ve heard you two are soulmates.”

Makoto freezes, though he forces himself to keep the smile on his face.

“Yeah, we are,” Rin replies casually, as if there’s nothing to it, and Makoto is so grateful for him to take this on. He still feels so trapped and unable to respond every time someone addresses his status as a soulmate.

“It’s good when you get along so well.” She looks thoughtful, and a little like there’s more to her saying that than they know and than she’s probably ever going to tell them, but Makoto doesn’t want to be presumptuous, and so he chooses to ignore it.

Just then a loud splash interrupts them and all three of them have just enough time to turn towards the pool and get soaked with water.

“What-” Rin begins to ask - or to curse, Makoto isn’t sure - but all of them can already see what is happening. Nagisa has gotten hold of a pool noodle and apparently, so has Rei, though one of them doesn’t look like he’s sure of what he’s doing (and it’s not Nagisa).

From that moment, everything descends into chaos.

 

Makoto is sitting at the far edge of the pool, legs hanging in the cool water. He takes a deep breath.

Getting the chaos (aka Nagisa) back under control has taken a while (especially since he was participating in it for a bit as well - sometimes it’s good to allow a little chaos in his life, is what Makoto has learned from Nagisa), and while it was fun, it’s also sometimes exhausting to monitor everything if you’re practically the only one who _is_ monitoring things at all, keeping an eye on everything.

Nagisa and Rei have thankfully let go of the pool noodles and are now engaged in casual swimming and conversation with Haru and Rin, and Makoto has taken this opportunity to rest a little. Another chance to talk to Nagisa and Rei hasn’t come up, and Makoto doesn’t know how to feel about that.

He notices another presence behind him, and a moment later Amakata-sensei sits down on a chair beside him.

“It’s not that easy to keep things in check, isn’t it?” she says knowingly. Makoto understands what she means.

“Yeah, but someone has to do it.”

She smiles at him. “They rely on you for that.”

Makoto hasn’t ever really thought about that, but now that Amakata-sensei said it, he can see how it’s true, to some extend. He has just always taken this role upon himself, because he wants all his friends to be happy and not to have to worry about these things. Makoto himself doesn’t mind doing it, even if it isn’t easy. So he thinks it’s a good deal overall.

“Tachibana-kun, it’s been a good time, but it’s time for me to go, so I’m leaving the keys with you.”

“Me?”

“You’ve always been reliable.”

“I… suppose?” He’s still a little taken aback at the sudden compliment.

“Tachibana-kun,” Amakata-sensei starts, looking at him thoughtfully but still with her perpetual smile in place, “excuse me if this isn’t my place to say, but the way I see it, you have always been a grounding, reliable and calm presence.”

Makoto doesn’t say anything, he’s once again too overwhelmed by the amount of praise and his cheeks are warm again, too.

“As the saying goes: ‘For a tree to become tall, it must grow tough roots.’”

Makoto doesn’t think that quote quite fits, but it’s nice to see that some things really haven’t changed. And he’s not exactly sure why, but it makes him feel better.

“Don’t forget to have some fun, too.”

With that, Amakata-sensei stands and bids her farewell to everyone before telling Makoto where she’ll leave the keys. Then she’s gone.

Makoto looks up into the sky. It’s a brilliant blue, sprinkled with small white clouds, and a gentle breeze soothes the relentless heat of the bright sun. A beautiful day to celebrate a birthday. The perfect weather for swimming, too. It feels just like back when they were in school, fooling around in the water and having a good time without worries about the future and soulmarks and adult stuff.

But before his thoughts can drift into less positive territory, someone sends a huge splash of water into his chest and face.

Makoto splutters. He isn’t surprised to find Rin in the water in front of him, grinning broadly and with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

Remembering Amakata’s advise of having fun, Makoto slides into the water too. “Oh, it’s on!”

He chases Rin to the corner of the pool before finally getting his revenge. They’re both laughing by then.

“I’m glad you’re not afraid of the water anymore,” Rin says out of the blue, when they’ve calmed back down a little.

“I am, still. But it’s not that bad anymore.” Makoto looks at Rin’s earnest face, smiling at him, and he decides to tell him.

“It’s actually all thanks to you, way back in elementary school. When you insisted on the relay and I ended up swimming the backstroke. I discovered how much better I feel about the water because of it, then.”

Rin blushes, and it tugs at Makoto’s heart. He remembers their childhood suddenly, and how Rin really actually helped them, just by barging into their lives like a force of nature.

“I’ve never thanked you for it, so, thank you.”

Rin blushes even harder, then suddenly says “Oh, come here, you!” and throws his arms around Makoto to drag him into a hug.

It takes Makoto a moment before he returns it from the suddenness of it. He has a hunch Rin feels embarrassed and wants to hide his face. It’s cute.

Rin’s hair, although wet, still tickles Makoto’s neck and his chest emits a comfortable warmth in the cool water, pressed against Makoto’s. Makoto can feel the atmosphere shift, just when Rin moves back a little to look at Makoto, a half-embarrassed, half-shy smile on his face. They’re so close, faces just inches apart. Makoto can see the different hues of color in Rin’s eyes, his faint freckles around the nose and on his cheeks.

Makoto doesn’t have to lean down much to close the distance, he doesn’t even think about it. The next thing he realizes is that they’re kissing. Rin’s lips are soft and gentle, and they’re moving slowly, almost lazily against Makoto’s, creating a unique warm feeling in his stomach. He can taste the remnants of the alcopops they’ve been drinking.

Rin’s hand brushes through his hair and Makoto lets his hands move down to rest on Rin’s hips. It’s not a heated kiss, and Makoto thinks that it’s rather nice, and maybe his decision to really try this soulmate stuff was right. Maybe he can do this.

They both pull back at the same time. Makoto feels a little flush and dizzy, even though it’s not really been all that passionate, but he can see how Rin looks the same way Makoto feels, which makes it okay. More than okay, even.

“Uhm,” Rin says, then trails off again. His hand is still in Makoto’s hair and Makoto hasn’t let go, either.

“What do you… What does this mean?” Rin asks, fingers fluttering briefly against Makoto’s scalp, his eyes searching Makoto’s.

“I think… I want to try this,” Makoto says, suddenly feeling a lot less confident, especially when he realizes with slight horror that he’s been the initiator.

Rin’s shy smile slowly, tentatively morphs into a broader one. “Really?”

Makoto smiles back at him. “Yes, really.”

Of course that’s when they’re splashed with water from head to chest.

“Nagisa!” Rin cries indignantly and glares at the intruder, though Nagisa only grins, completely unaffected. When Nagisa’s eyes met Makoto’s, it’s as if a silent understanding passes between them, and Makoto feels like he can breathe easy now.

“Just you wait!” Rin growls playfully and throws himself at Nagisa, who shrieks and flees, Rin chasing him.

Makoto laughs after them, feeling actually, truthfully really good for the first time ever since Rin told him about the soulmark.

Then his eyes automatically find Haru, who is looking at him. Makoto isn’t sure if he’s imagining things, but Haru looks glum. Makoto can’t make sure, though, because Haru promptly turns around and dives into the water.

And the same way Haru disappeared from view, Makoto’s good mood follows.

 

* * *

 

When Makoto opens his eyes the next morning, his very first thought is _What am I doing?_

He stares up at the ceiling of his former bedroom in his parents’ house that is now used as a guest room, and still can’t comprehend what happened the day before.

He kissed Rin. _He_ kissed Rin. It’s something he’d never thought would happen. Frankly, it’s something he’d never thought _about_ , because he’d never thought about Rin romantically.

And he’d still kissed him.

Makoto thinks it all wouldn’t be such a problem if he weren’t utterly in love with Haru. Which he still is. He’s already questioned himself about that yesterday when he went to bed, and yes, there are still butterflies in his stomach when he thinks about all his time with Haru.

The thing is, now there are also butterflies in his stomach when he remembers the kiss. And the walk in the park, and their teasing and phone calls and all the memories he shares with Rin.

Makoto has never been more confused in his life. But he’s also never been more sure that he definitely loves both of them. He’d just never thought something like that was possible. And he’d certainly never heard of a relationship with more than two people involved, except for open relationships, though those aren’t really for falling in _love_ with other people as well, but for sex. Or so he always thought.

He groans. Then gets up. “Nothing to it, he tells himself.

 

His family is as warm and welcoming as always, and Ran and Ren have finally stopped idolizing Makoto, for which he is very grateful. That way, there’s less of a chance of coming short of their impossible expectations of him.

After a morning spent with his family, he walks up the stone steps to Haru’s house, past the torii and the chouzuya. He looks up to the top of the steps visible from here, at the other torii there, and he feels a kind of longing that he identifies as nostalgia. He makes a promise to himself to visit more often, though he knows that’s probably not exactly it, not exactly why he feels nostalgic. He doesn’t really want to think about the reasons, tough.

Haru, just like back then, doesn’t open up and Makoto wonders why he still even bothers. He walks around to the back door, enters and walks straight to the bathroom, where he finds Haru in the bath, water up to his nose, as expected. Makoto hopes this won’t become a habit again when they get back home.

“Good morning, Haru. You promised to visit us, so I’m picking you up.”

For a brief moment, it looks like Haru is staring daggers at Makoto, though then his expression changes, and Makoto is once again not sure if he’s just imagined it or not. He still holds out his hand to pull Haru up, and thankfully, Haru takes it.

“You’re wearing your swim trunks again, I see.”

Makoto thought he had gotten Haru to stop doing that, but here he is. In a way, Makoto is very glad for it, because he isn’t sure seeing Haru naked would have been a good idea.

Haru seems normal, although a bit quiet on the way back to Makoto’s house - Makoto doesn’t even pick up any of his thoughts, as if he’s not thinking anything in particular either - and Makoto reassures himself that he very likely just imagined Haru’s gloominess from the day before. It must have been his nerves. And when Haru lets Ran and Ren hug him like a second older brother, Makoto lets himself believe everything is fine.

 

It’s only when they’re back in Tokyo that Haru spends all his time in his room once again. Makoto is clueless and wonders, not for the first time, when it was that he forgot how to read Haru. He used to be able to guess exactly what Haru thought, and now it feels like Haru’s thinking and expressing himself in a language Makoto doesn’t speak.

He wants to talk to Haru, make sure they’re still okay, that this isn’t something Makoto did, this time. Sometimes he wonders if Haru maybe has feelings for Rin, and that maybe, Haru is in a similar spot Makoto was in. It hurts to think that Haru might resent Makoto when Makoto himself is in love with Haru, but Makoto tries not to dwell on it. He can’t know what this is about unless he asks.

The logical conclusion is to call Rin for consultation, even if Makoto feels like he’s trying to get Rin to solve his problems for him once again. The phone beeps several times, though, and then it’s only the voicemail, and Makoto is left staring at his phone like an idiot. A few seconds later he gets a text saying that Rin is busy and will get back to him. Of course he’s busy. He’s a star swimmer and has his rigorous training regime. Makoto understands that really well, living with Haru.

 

So Makoto waits. He’s still waiting two days later for either Haru to finally open up or come out of his room when he’s at home, or for Rin to text or call him. He’s beginning to feel like he’s living alone and like Rin is avoiding him, too, now. Before, Rin’s always found the time to at least text him. And now it’s radio silence. The feeling Makoto gets from all this is so hollow and awful that he tries to ignore it and distracts himself with games, funny videos or work.

So when his boss asks him to jump in for a co-worker who got sick, Makoto leaps at it.

 

“Makoto-senpai!” Gou greets him with a smile and Makoto feels so grateful to see someone he knows smile at him that he actually has to hold back tears. He smiles back at her instead.

“What can I do for you?”

She contemplates it for a moment. “I’d like a cappuccino this time. To go.”

“I’ll get right to it.” He grabs a paper cup and the cappuccino is done in almost no time at all. “Here you go.”

Gou takes it, thanking him. Her eyes seem to be stuck to Makoto’s hands, though. “You don’t have your soulmark yet.”

Makoto pulls his hands back as if burned and hides them behind the counter. “Yeah…”

“It’s been quite a while, so shouldn’t you go and get it?” Her smile has disappeared completely and she’s shooting Makoto an angry glare. He doesn’t want to admit it, but Gou can be as scary as her brother when she wants to be. Apparently, she wants to be scary right now.

“I- I’m not… sure.”

Gou huffs. “I understand when your soulmate’s a criminal or an abuser or something similarly bad, but this is my brother! It’s really insulting if you don’t get it!”

Makoto suddenly feels his heart sink to the ground and beyond.

“I’d never thought about it like that.”

Gou is still staking him with her glare, but says nothing.

“I’m sorry.”

Words cannot express how sorry he actually feels. He’d really never thought about such implications when he decided not to get his mark. He wonders if what everyone else is thinking is the same, and if Makoto’s just been utterly blind the whole time. He wonders what Rin must have been thinking the first time Makoto told him he wasn’t planning on getting it. He can see Rin’s reaction from a whole different light now and wonders why Rin even agreed to talk back then.

“I’ll go and get my mark as soon as I can, okay? I really didn’t think of all this. Sorry again.”

Gou’s glare softens a little and she nods. “Okay. I’m glad you understand. Sorry for becoming so angry,” she rubs at her neck, “I know, you’re a good guy. This is just my brother…”

Makoto shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.” He understands wanting to protect your siblings - he’s got two himself. So he can’t possibly hold it against Gou.

“I don’t like parting on a bad note, so, tell me how the birthday party went? I’m still sad I couldn’t come.” Gou seems to be her usual self again, and even though Makoto usually calms down when others calm down as well, this time, he can’t shake off the feeling of guilt. As if it’s gnawed itself deep into Makoto’s chest and stomach. He feels a little sick.

“It was fun. Rin really outdid himself with decorating, he even got fake cherry blossoms for the pool.” Thinking back on the moment of the reveal, Makoto’s heart aches again. If he wasn’t sure before that he’s definitely in love with Rin, too, he is now.

Gou chuckles. “That’s my brother.”

“Yeah, it’s amazing that we got to go there at all. Nagisa did great to stay in contact with our old school and Amakata-sensei.”

“My brother told me you did all the organizing, though, and over the phone no less! You’re always so reliable.”

Makoto leans his head sideways in question. “All the organizing? I just helped out a little.”

Gou looks at him with mild sympathy. “You’re belittling yourself. You navigated both my brother and Nagisa right down to the last detail. At least that’s what my brother told me. And he’s not one to exaggerate like that.”

“Maybe…” Makoto is already fidgeting around. He’s lucky that no other customer decided to interrupt them yet. He isn’t sure he’d be able to serve them well right now.

“It’s true. I got to go now, though. Take care, Makoto-senpai!” She leaves with a smile, and usually, it would have been reassuring. This time, it isn’t.


	4. Chapter 4

Makoto goes to the soulmark reveal point the very next day just when Haru came back and closed himself off in his room again. Makoto doesn’t really know the procedure, and he’d really like to ask Rin, but since Rin seems to be so busy, he simply shoots him a text telling him that he’s going to get his mark. Maybe that will get Rin’s attention. Makoto isn’t sure if he’s hurt or mad that Rin is ignoring him as well, or if he’s supposed to feel guilty for something he did to hurt Rin. He still has no clue what that could be, but it’s a possibility.

The building the soulmate reveal point is in is huge and there’s a serious looking lobby and Makoto is a little afraid to enter. He’s stalling outside by reading the posters hanging on the windows, though by the time he’s at the third poster, he feels like an idiot. Just when he decides he should really get it on, the automatic doors slide open and a young woman comes out.

“Zaki-chan?”

The woman stops and turns towards Makoto and yes, it’s unmistakably Yazaki Aki. Her hair is shoulder long now and she wears a hairpin to one side with a flower on it. She’s clad in a trench coat, a classic black skirt, stockings and ankle boots and looks overall like a pretty, fashionable young woman.

“Tachibana-kun! Long time no see,” she replies and walks over to him. Her sunflower smile hasn’t changed, though Makoto notices that her eyes look a little red.

“Are you okay?”

It’s apparently the wrong thing to say, because Aki suddenly scrunches up her nose and blinks rapidly, though that doesn’t help keep the tears at bay, because they spill over anyway.

A little alarmed, Makoto gently takes her by the arm and leads her over to the bench near the building. He gently pushes her down on it and rummages in his bag for tissues. By the time he finds them and offers her one, her tears have stopped again and she thanks him quietly before taking it and drying her eyes with it.

“Sorry, I just… I got my soulmark and…” She looks Makoto over, her eyes searching his wrists, then she takes a shaky breath and looks straight ahead. “I don’t know how much you remember… About Miki, my best friend?”

“I remember she confessed to you and you rejected her.”

Aki laughs a little bitterly. She sounds like she wants to cry again.

“Look,” Aki says and pushes up the sleeve of her trench coat. The kanji there spell out Fujita Miki. When Makoto looks back up into Aki’s eyes, there is a desperate glint there, and Makoto immediately feels like his throat is suddenly dry.

“It’s ironic, isn’t it? I haven’t talked to her since forever.”

Makoto averts his gaze and scratches at his wrist. He doesn’t know what to tell her. It’s a situation much unlike Makoto’s, but he can still empathize a little too well. Maybe it’s just that despair and hurt are universal feelings, even if the causes aren’t.

“I wish I knew what to do now,” Aki whispers, her voice almost breaking, and Makoto’s heart hurts for her. She’s always been such a positive, bright person. It’s sad to see her like this.

“Me, too. But I think… maybe it’s worth talking to her?” Makoto tries and it gets at least a small smile out of Aki.

“I thought you’d say that. And you’re not wrong… it’s just… complicated. I still feel bad about how we drifted apart. It’s like it’s my fault.”

Makoto hums in sympathy. “Yeah, I get that. I feel the same about Rin and he’s ignoring me.”

Aki looks up at him, eyes a little wider from surprise. “Rin? Are you dating?”

“I’m his soulmate…”

For a few brief moments, Aki studies him. “You’re here to get your soulmark, aren’t you? What happened?”

Makoto tells her. He even tells her that he’s in love with Haru _and_ Rin, about the kiss, about his confusion and about the past few days spent in isolation.

“It’s like I’ve lost them both now,” he finishes. He’d have thought he’d start to cry, but all he feels right now is numb.

“I hate soulmarks. They’re not at all necessary, and people still act like it’s a crime when you don’t get yours,” Aki says, and Makoto can’t agree more.

“You know… it might seem bad to other people that you don’t have your soulmark… but from what you’ve told me, Rin is actually fine with it, isn’t he?”

Makoto nods. “Yes, he said so. But I’m not so sure anymore… I mean, why is he ignoring me? I don’t remember doing anything to hurt him or insult him.”

“Have you considered that it might not be anything _you_ did or said?” Aki asks, saying what Makoto doesn’t dare hope. “Maybe he’s working through something himself, just like you.”

“I’m really not sure… I’m not sure about anything anymore, to be honest. And how can I be in love with both him and Haru anyway? And by getting my soulmark, does that mean I’m choosing Rin over Haru? I don’t… I really don’t know anymore.”

“I think you’re polyamorous,” Aki says.

Makoto frowns at her. “I’m what.”

“That’s when you love more than one person at a time. Hmm, it’s a little like a sexuality, though not quite? Some people just love more than one person at the same time, while others don’t.”

Makoto doesn’t know what to think or feel. “So it’s not impossible?”

“Of course not. You’re living it, aren’t you?” Aki is smiling her sunflower smile again, and it helps make Makoto feel a little better. What helps even more is that she’s confirming that Makoto hasn’t gone mad, isn’t confused. That he is, in fact, in love with two people at once. And that it’s a thing that exists. He’s never known there was a name for it.

“Wow, that actually makes me feel better.”

Aki laughs. “I’m glad some education can actually lead to happiness. To be honest, I only learned about it because one of my friends is in a polyamorous relationship.”

“I’m glad you learned about it and told me. I think I might have gone mad otherwise.” Makoto looks down at his wrists, traces them with his fingers.

“I can’t force you not to get your soulmark, and I don’t want to force a decision on you, because it has to be your own. I just think a soulmark is something you should get when you truly want it. But I guess that’s my opinion on it.” Aki puts her hand on Makoto’s shoulder. It’s a gesture meant to reassure him, and to be honest, Makoto does feel reassured. Maybe it’s because he has a similar opinion of soulmarks, or maybe it’s because Aki is telling him at least partly what he actually wants to hear. In any case, he feels validated and like a little of the confusion surrounding him has cleared.

“You’ve really helped me, Zaki-chan. Tell me how I can return the favor,” Makoto says and looks her in the eyes to get across that he really means it.

“You really don’t-” Aki starts, then cuts herself off. “Maybe… could you maybe help me with a text message for Miki?”

Which is how Makoto ends up sitting bent over Aki’s phone with Aki sitting bent over it as well, their heads almost touching, instead of going to get his soulmark. In the end, Aki even sends it with Makoto still sitting next to her.

“I hope she still has the same phone number,” Aki mutters. “I’m so nervous.”

This time Makoto puts his hand on her shoulder. “I’m crossing my fingers for you.”

They keep sitting on that bench for another hour, chatting about this and that, when Aki’s phone suddenly buzzes and she almost drops it. Despite that, she bravely opens the message she got.

“It’s from Miki,” she says, her eyes skimming over the message. She looks up at Makoto, her eyes a little watery. “She wants to meet me.”

Makoto smiles at her. “I’m glad that worked out.”

Aki laughs a little nervously and a little relieved. “Me too. Thank you, Tachibana-kun.”

“I’m glad I could help.”

“Sorry for taking so much of your time.” Aki puts her phone away and stands. “I guess it’s time to go now.”

Makoto stands as well. “It’s been nice to talk to you again. We should stay in contact too.”

Aki gives him one last sunflower smile. “Definitely. I hope everything works out for you as well!”

They part at the bench, going in different directions, and Makoto hopes he made the right decision, walking past the soulmark reveal point and towards the station.

 

* * *

 

Makoto enters Haru and his apartment and already opens his mouth to say “I’m home,” but stops short when he sees both Rin and Haru in the hallway. At first he thinks he’s imagining things, but he blinks a few times, and they’re still standing there.

“Makoto! Finally!” Rin says, rushes forward to Makoto and immediately grabs his hands and inspects his wrists. “Thank _fuck_. I thought you were getting the soulmark!”

Rin looks up at Makoto, his red eyes glinting accusingly and at the same time relieved.

Makoto is confused.

“I was planning to, but… I decided against it after all.”

“Haven’t you checked your phone?” Now Rin’s voice sounds a lot more accusing, and Makoto pulls his hands back out of Rin’s grasp and frowns.

“After being ignored for so long I thought there was no need to look at it,” he uncharacteristically says out of spite and immediately regrets it when Rin suddenly looks guilty.

“Sorry,” they both say at the same time.

“Is that why you’re here?” Makoto then asks and his eyes flicker to Haru, who’s leaning on the wall, looking a little angry.

“Yeah, I heard from Gou what happened and I thought you only went because she got mad at you, and I… I didn’t want you to for a reason like that.”

Makoto’s chest feels warm all of a sudden. “Sorry for worrying you,” he says, but Rin looks down, as if ashamed.

“I guess I’m the one who should apologize for ignoring you. And there’s another thing… I’m also here because I want to talk to you, both of you.” Rin looks between Makoto and Haru for emphasis.

Rin takes a deep breath. “First of all, Makoto. I think you should tell Haru why you don’t want to get your soulmark. I think we all should say what we actually feel for once.”

Makoto feels trapped, but even so, he thinks that Rin is right. He remembers Aki and his own advice to her. Maybe he should do the same. Maybe things can work out if they are honest with each other.

“You’re right,” Makoto says, then turns to Haru and all of a sudden, his throat is dry again and chest feels tight. Even though he has decided, it’s hard to get the words out. It feels like he’s fighting a battle against his fear. Much like his fear of the water.

“I… I didn’t want to get my soulmark because…” He takes a deep breath. “I’m in love with you, Haru.”

Haru’s eyes actually widen at that in surprise and he stands up straight, eyes focused on Makoto.

Makoto, however, turns to Rin. “But I’m also in love with you, Rin.”

Rin’s eyes get even wider than Haru’s. Makoto can understand that this is surprising though, given his own confusion about it all.

“You… what?”

“I think I fell in love with you, too. I love you both.” After repeating it, Makoto’s heart suddenly speeds up in fear. What if Rin and Haru won’t understand the way Aki did? What if they think what Makoto feels is impossible?

“I- I mean, it’s apparently possible to love more than one person at a time - it even has a name! It’s, uh, what was it again, poly- polyamorous!” Makoto is babbling and he knows it, but he can’t stop because he’s too afraid that if he stops, Rin and Haru will be disgusted by him.

“Makoto,” Haru interrupts him, speaking up for the first time. “I’m in love with both of you, too.”

Makoto feels stunned. “You… you are?”

Haru nods.

“I…” Rin throws in, clears his throat. “I am, too.”

Suddenly, Makoto feels like the world is upside down. It’s like he’s standing beside himself again, feeling a little faint, because this can’t be real. His life can’t be this smooth. It’s impossible that Rin and Haru feel the same way he does. How could it be possible?

“Is this a dream?” Makoto hears himself ask, though he hears it muffled as though through a door. He thinks he’s really going insane now.

“Makoto? Are you alright?” Rin is suddenly beside him and putting a hand on his arm, and Makoto can’t feel the touch.

“I don’t think I am,” he says. “I think I need to sit down.”

The next thing he knows is that he’s sitting on the couch in the living room, Rin on his right and Haru on his left side, both kneeling on the floor in front of him. It’s a weird, surreal situation. But Makoto can breathe a little better now and he can feel Rin’s touch now.

“Sorry, I think I just… panicked a little.”

Rin’s lips are pressed together tight. “You really scared me there.”

Haru nods.

“I really didn’t imagine it to go like that, that we’re all…”

“Feeling the same?” Rin grins at him. “Never expected that at all.”

Haru grunts in agreement.

“So it’s real? This is not a dream?”

“As real as ever. I definitely didn’t imagine my run over here after reading your message about the soulmark.” Rin sighs, gets up and sits down next to Makoto and Haru does the same on his other side.

“So… what now?” This time it’s Rin who asks.

“We’re dating,” Haru answers, looking from Makoto to Rin and back to Makoto.

“We’re dating,” Makoto repeats. He still can’t quite believe that this is reality.

“Now I feel compelled to say it too, why are you two like this? We’re obviously dating.” Rin leans back into the couch, closes his eyes and sighs contentedly.

Makoto and Haru lean back as well, though Makoto does it more to be on the same level as Rin than comfort. It’s now that Makoto notices the dark circles underneath Rin’s eyes. Maybe Rin had been thinking about this more than he lets on, and maybe there’s still even more that Makoto has yet to learn. He smiles at that thought.

“Rin, why don’t you stay over tonight?” Makoto offers, hoping it might help Rin not to have to travel with how tired he looks.

Rin cracks one eye open, grinning. “We only just confessed and you’re already suggesting that?”

Makoto loses the fight against the warmth in his cheeks. “ _Rin._ _”_

“Makoto,” Rin replies, still grinning.

Haru leans down on Makoto’s shoulder suddenly, worming an arm around Makoto’s waist, and when Makoto looks at him, he has his eyes closed and a small, cute smile on his face.

“Good idea,” Rin says, _still_ grinning, and leans on Makoto’s other shoulder, somehow manages to worm his arm between Haru’s and around Makoto’s waist. “That’s really comfortable.”

“Am I a pillow?” Makoto asks in mock exasperation, and both Haru and Rin grunt in affirmation.

Makoto chuckles and lays his head back against the couch. Closes his eyes too.

When Rin came here and revealed his mark, Makoto would have never imagined this outcome. Now he feels spent and exhausted from all the worrying he’s done. But also happy.

He guesses not all change is chaotic. Or maybe not all chaotic change is all that bad.

 

The next day Makoto wakes first, and knows it’s definitely not a dream. The crick in his neck feels too real, but despite the discomfort, he still feels happy.

They fell asleep on the couch last night, and Makoto is sure there’ll be a little chaos when Haru and Rin wake up, because it’s the middle of the week and they are still star swimmers with a schedule.

But somehow, he feels like it’s going to be alright. They all have each others’ backs, after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who needs soulmarks anyway?

Rin has hated routines all his life. As a kid, and, admittedly, as a teenager too, he’s been so impatient. Even in the swim club, he has never been good at being patient with the training regimes - he’d wanted the results and he’d wanted them pronto. Doing the same thing, practice, so much before he reached a next level, was tiresome, unchallenging and absolutely _boring_.

Now, when he gets home, he can’t believe he’s once thought like that about all types of routines. It’s quiet, as always, and Rin undresses unhurriedly, as always, and then finds Makoto and Haru chilling on the couch, not even watching anything on TV, just sitting side by side. Makoto is reading a book, his absolutely adorable reading glasses on, and Haru is resting his head on Makoto’s shoulder, eyes closed but definitely not sleeping.

It looks so peaceful that Rin almost doesn’t want to disturb that picture. Almost.

He joins them on the other side of Makoto, who greets him with a smile and Rin can’t help but plant a kiss on it before settling against Makoto’s yet unoccupied shoulder. He doesn’t mean to, but his eyes land on the letters in the book and he automatically begins reading it. It seems to be a classic - a typical Makoto kind of book - and it makes Rin smile, but not as much as the fact that Makoto waits for him to finish the page before turning to the next.

He gradually loses focus and his eyes droop shut. The last thing he remembers is that Makoto kisses him on the side of his head. He doesn’t know if that’s real or a dream, but he isn’t too worried if it isn’t real. It has been real many times already, after all, and it would still happen in the future. Rin is glad that he can expect and predict what is going to happen, for once. It is a routine they fell into, after all.

 

* * *

 

Haru was afraid of change. Still is, if he’s honest. Especially when he can feel that change is about to happen. He’s never been able to deal with it very well, also because he isn’t very good at expressing himself. He does realize that he is very lucky to have met Makoto when he met him. Makoto has been able to understand Haru even when he thought he wasn’t expressing anything to the outside world, and it has made him less lonely, even if he’s never been able to admit it back then.

He also realizes now that ignoring change is not a healthy way of dealing with something that is inevitable. Rin, back then, has been the inevitable, stormy change that had blasted into Haru and Makoto’s life like a whirlwind. When Rin left for Australia, he left so many words unsaid and relationships undeveloped in his wake, it had felt like something was missing _all the time_.

Now, Haru also realizes why he has feared change so much. Because as paradox as it sounds - with how solitary he always is - he fears ending up all alone. It had started with his parents always leaving, then never really coming back; then his grandma died - the only one he _truly_ considers family out of all his blood relatives. And then Rin seemingly came back just to steal Makoto from him so both could leave him alone.

Proper communication would probably have spared them all a lot of pain, but in the end, they still got there. They got here, and here is damn nice place to be.

Haru knows, and _feels_ , that this change isn’t bad at all, much like how the water had accepted and invited him with even less resistance than before he had realized that competitive swimming doesn’t take all the fun out of it. Just like that, his relationship with Rin and Makoto is the least rocky it has ever been. Smoothly flowing like a river. It has definitely changed for the better, even if it has become a lot less quiet and calm than it used to be.

“Haru, I can hear your loud thinking from here,” Rin says, his back to Haru and trying to find something in the fridge. He lets out a victorious noise when he finally fishes out a small bottle of water.

“Which means both you and Makoto are joining me for a run now, as punishment.”

Haru raises a brow at him and Makoto, who’s been reading the newspaper at the kitchen table, looks up at him, startled to be addressed suddenly. “What?”

“Ye hear me, up up, no buts, we’re all running now.”

“Why am _I_ being punished too?” Makoto asks with an amused smile, but already puts the now neatly folded newspaper back on the table and gets up.

“Because I say so,” Rin replies, bumping their shoulders together, before he walks over to Haru and ruffles his hair. Haru shakes it out of spite.

“No need for that much thinking, Haru.”

“Aw, Haru’s smiling,” Makoto says, smiling innocently himself, the betrayer.

“Am not.”

“Is he? I can never tell, you have to tell me the secret!” Rin starts bothering Makoto, who just teases right back.

And Haru… still gets how change and all the fear of being alone can be paralyzing. But Rin and Makoto have proved to him that he’s less alone now than ever. Apparently, he isn’t even alone for runs anymore. But he finds that he doesn’t terribly mind.

 

* * *

 

 

Makoto feels sick to the stomach and he’s pretty sure it’s showing on his face.

After telling their friends about their three-way relationship and getting such a unanimously positive response, Makoto had actually _forgotten_ that such a response still isn’t the norm.

“How can you live like that and not feel guilty?” his friend from university asks him suddenly, tone accusing and expression of shocked disbelief. After the almost five minute lecture about the immorality of not getting your soulmark, it comes so sudden that Makoto is left speechless. Also because he’s been feeling sick to his stomach since at least the halfway point of the lecture, and because he’s overwhelmed and his brain has thought itself into a dead-end because he knows nothing he says will convince the guy.

Someone suddenly pushes the guy two steps away from Makoto, who belatedly recognizes it’s Rin.

“Oi, stupidhead, what bullshit are you saying to my boyfriend, huh?” Rin bares his sharp teeth, and Makoto’s not gonna lie, it _is_ scary to have those teeth flashed at you in a menacing way. He himself hid behind Haru once when Rin was only joking (and had apologized five times after for scaring Makoto).

Haru appears beside Makoto and puts a hand on his shoulder, and inexplicably, he feels himself immediately calm down. Haru’s glare, however, is anything but calm; it’s very dark and murderous, and it makes Makoto shudder, even though it’s directed at Makoto’s friend.

“The hell is your problem?” said friend asks, though it sounds half-affronted and half-scared.

Rin just grabs him by the collar of his shirt, and Makoto knows that’s where he had better step in before they’re all thrown out of the café by the staff. He knows Haru won’t stop Rin - they are both too over-protective for their own good, though secretly, Makoto is very pleased and overflowing with all sorts of warm, fuzzy feelings for his boyfriends.

“Rin, that’s enough,” he says and steps in, putting his hand on Rin’s arm. “I’m fine and he’s scared enough, okay?”

Rin does finally turn to Makoto, and after a brief moment of contemplation, lets go and takes a step back. He still sends the guy a death-glare for good measure.

“You’re all mad,” the guy mutters.

“No,” Makoto says, surprising even himself, “We’re happy the way we are. And if you won’t understand that, I can’t help you.”

With that, he turns away and just leaves, knowing Rin and Haru will follow him.

“You were cool in there, Makoto, kind of really hot,” Rin tells him, grinning. Haru grunts in agreement.

Makoto laughs. “Don’t make fun of me.”

Rin stops him. “I’m not. I swear!”

Makoto looks at him, expression unchanging.

“Okay, maybe a little bit, but I still wanna make out with you now.”

Makoto can feel his cheeks getting red. “We’re in public.”

He sees Haru roll his eyes and Rin’s disbelieving look. “Do you see all these fucks I don’t give?”

And that’s all the warning he gets before Rin’s hands are in his hair and his lips are on Makoto’s. It’s fast and heady and Makoto goes week in the knees because Rin’s so good at what he does with his tongue. It’s over way too soon and Makoto feels dazed. He almost realizes too late when Haru latches onto his throat, leaving a mark and causing Makoto to let slip a little moan.

Which makes him take a step back and flail his arms a little. “Okay, _okay_ , that’s enough, both of you!” His cheeks feel like they’re on fire now, but all Rin and Haru are doing is snickering.

“People are _watching_ ,” he complains half-heartedly.

“Of course they are - it’s hot!”

“ _Rin_.”

“Makoto.”

Makoto rolls his eyes in exasperation. Sometimes, his boyfriends are unbelievable. “Let’s _go_.”

He walks ahead only because he doesn’t want them to see how he’s smiling. It would defeat the whole point of trying to teach them some decency - there could be _kids_ watching, after all.

Rin and Haru catch up, and each of them takes one of Makoto’s hands. Somehow, Makoto doesn’t feel embarrassed. Instead, he feels more reassured than ever before that this is right and he doesn’t need a soulmark to be in love and happy with the right person. And if that person turns out to be two, then that’s what it is.

Maybe, he thinks, it’s time to get a much more voluntary kind of mark.

“How do you feel about a tattoo?”

**Author's Note:**

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